the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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