I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
