This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
