You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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