Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
