let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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