I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
