It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i will never coherently bang her
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
