I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
