FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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