Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
