Me too!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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