i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
