I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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