she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
