i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
