I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
