I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am available for nakedness
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
