Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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