I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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