woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
