just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Everclear isn't food dammit
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
