When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
