we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
