She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
