John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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