i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
