I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
