I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
