Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize