a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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