Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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