I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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