I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize