I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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