She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
