In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Someone came in the potted fern
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
