Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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