Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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