I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
