I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am one with the molecules
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
