I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
