party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
