Kiss
Puke
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
