It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
