Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
