Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
