I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
