i just wanna soil my oats bro
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
