But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Non-Jews are for practice
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
