I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize