We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
