We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
