Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
