he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
