My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dignity is for republicans.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
