that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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