Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
