lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
