I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
