wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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