Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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