new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
