Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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