dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize