Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
