I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
