Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
