i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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