my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
