ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i've created a new STD.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
