I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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