it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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