...so i touched it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
