I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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