And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
