Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
