you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize