don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
