Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
