Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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