I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
