i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
