Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
