some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
