O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
