we have pet lesbian snakes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize