You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
