u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
