i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
