Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
