Yo dont text me then not text me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize