and next time when you feel me up, do it right
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
