enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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