the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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