Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
