Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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