Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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