I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
