I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
