i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
