I have demons in me.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
