can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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