just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
