if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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