Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
